Sorry to bother you but am I really bothering anyone

Published by Barbara Ratti in self development · Friday 18 Jul 2025 · 4:45
Tags: self, care, communication, confidence, personal, growth, language, mental, health, empowerment, connections, boundaries, Barbara, Ratti

Sorry to bother you but... am I really bothering anyone?

"Sorry to bother you…"

How many times have you said that?

I've said it so often I could probably type it without thinking… even to my baker.

And that's the point:

There are words we use automatically, without thinking—

But they shape how we see ourselves. And how others see us.

"Sorry to bother you" starts from the idea that I'm a bother.

But when you ask, "Do you have a moment for me?", you're not just asking for time and attention. You're doing it with a sense of mutual respect, acknowledging the value of the other person's time and effort.

A small shift? Yes. But one that changes everything.

Words can educate us. Or shrink us. Sometimes both, in the same sentence.

We grew up in environments (family, school, work) where some phrases were considered "polite."

But politeness doesn't mean shrinking.

Saying "sorry" every five minutes doesn't make us kinder—it makes us less visible.

"I don't want to bother you" (but I do have something to say)

Another classic phrase:

"I don't want to bother you…"

…followed by a question, an idea, or a perfectly legitimate request.

So here's the real question:

Why, when we need something, is our first instinct to apologize for existing?

The truth is that asking for attention, collaboration, or a bit of time isn't bothering someone if it comes from a place of respect.

In fact, those who say "I don't want to bother you" are often the ones who wouldn't bother anyone, even by accident.

"Maybe it's a silly idea…"

This one is a classic example of gentle self-sabotage.

We say it to soften the blow of potential judgment… but in doing so, we judge ourselves first.

Truth is:

There's no such thing as a silly idea when it comes from an honest intention.

It might not solve everything. It might not shine like a TED Talk. But it's still worth sharing.

What if instead of saying:

"Maybe it's silly, but…"

We tried:

"I had a thought—curious what you think."

Tiny change? Yes.

A significant shift in how we present ourselves? Absolutely.

"I'm not good at explaining…"

Spoiler: everyone feels like this sometimes.

Even public speakers. Even podcasters. Even people writing articles (ehm… hi).

But when you say this before you even start speaking, it's like saying:

"Sorry if what I'm about to say isn't worth your time."

But your emotions count just as much as your words.

People will often understand you—even if you ramble, pause, or get a little tangled.

A while ago, I needed to ask a colleague for an opinion about something. A simple question—but it sat in my throat for hours because…

"Maybe I'm bothering her."

"Maybe it's not the right time."

"Maybe it's silly."

So I did what I do when I feel halfway between brave and unsure: I recorded a voice note.

It started like this:

"Uhm… hi! Sorry to bother you… Maybe this is a silly thing… I don't know if it even makes sense, but here it goes…"

Three apologies in ten seconds flat.

I listened to myself right after and thought:

"Why am I recording a trailer for my own insecurity before I've even gotten to the point?"

The message was clear. The question was valid. And she replied with kindness and calm.

That's when I realized:

I wasn't bothering anyone.

I was bothering myself.

With words that weren't there to communicate—to protect me.

The reflection

Since then, every time I'm about to start a voice note with "sorry if…", I pause.

I don't always change the sentence—years of auto-apologizing don't vanish overnight.

But I'm learning.

To stop asking for forgiveness just for existing.

To stop shrinking my thoughts before sharing them.

To stop waiting for permission to use my voice.

And you know what's funny?

People are actually listening more.

Maybe because I'm finally listening, too.

3 phrases to rewrite (and 3 new ways to say them):

Old habit

"Sorry to bother you"

"I don't want to bother you…"

"Maybe it's silly…"

Empowered version

"Do you have a moment for me?"

"Can we talk for a minute?"

Instead of downplaying your ideas with, "Maybe it's silly...", try saying, "Here's an idea I'd like to share." This shift in language acknowledges the value of your thoughts and empowers you to share them confidently.

And you?

Want to try something today?

Take a moment to reflect on a self-deprecating phrase you often use without realizing it.

Pause.

Ask yourself: Does this phrase lift me up, or shrink me down?

And if needed, rewrite it.

Let me know your new words.

Fall in love with them and the meaning in your thoughts.

How do you feel when you hear them?

Please share with me your new thoughts about your powerful words!