I have always had a secret need to be very good at something. I didn't care what it was, but I wanted to be able to feel very confident in something.
I have tried a lot of different things, but I have never satisfied my need.
Yes, I'm pretty good at my job, I feel confident, and I achieve some good results, but some years ago, it wasn't enough for me. My need was always there, and a boring internal conversation reminded me frequently.
Something has changed in the last few years. I love feeling confident, and I love to achieve some success, but above all, I like doing something I love, and I want to enjoy the journey on the way.
My need has slowly changed. Now I need to learn new skills for myself, for pleasure so I feel active and full of energy but I don't care if I'm not good at it, my priority is to do it and not to stop out of fear I'm not competent enough. It's not always so easy because there are some difficulties that I've always had since I was young but I'm working on it and the aim is to have pleasure doing it.
Obviously, I want to be a good teacher, but I want this to help others and not just to satisfy my need for perfection.
When I was very young, I wanted to help others, but also I wanted to be complimented and be well-regarded by my colleagues and my head teacher.
I needed it.
Over the years my need has slowly changed.
I want to help others to have a better life.
I help children to find their talents and teach them to live according to their true selves in the hope of growing up into happy and satisfied adults. I can't be complimented now because the results of my work cannot be evaluated with a test. The results will show in the quality of my pupils' lives, and in my opinion, this will be the most important test they ever face.
When I started to take care of myself seriously, I discovered my needs, and I began to observe them. I saw that I needed to feel competent and perfect in something in order to love myself. If I was perfect, I could love myself. If I was a valued person, I deserved my love.
I was wrong.
I spent a lot of time before I reached the right perspective, but finally, I satisfied my need not by striving for perfection but by wanting to help people and give the world a better version of myself.
I work every day to keep to this aim and sometimes it's not so easy, but my need for perfection has slowly disappeared.
Discovering my needs has allowed to me to know why I always followed the same paths and why I was unhappy and unsatisfied with myself.
It is not possible to cancel out our needs, but we can learn to observe them in a new way and find a new purpose.
What about your needs?
I'd like to know something about your needs and share some experiences.
You can write me an email or a comment on my post.
Thank you very much.